what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am midnight drunk by noon
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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