i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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