If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
