She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So much Jack, so little girl.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
