Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
