6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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