Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
