You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
