Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
