My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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