Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
