at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We left an ass print on the piano.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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