Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
