I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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