I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
