And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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