Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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