lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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