As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
