Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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