I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
