5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't put those talents on a resume
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize