I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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