Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
