Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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