If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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