Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
