She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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