I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
