They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
