Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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