What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
