Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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