I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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