would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
