I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
