shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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