u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
