Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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