Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
