how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
