Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
