Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
