You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize