That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize