Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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