Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
