it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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