I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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