I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
