Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And then my night got REAL pukey
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
