I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
