I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Semen is not good for contacts.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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