What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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