Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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