Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
