For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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