it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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