Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
