i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
