Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
