I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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