If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
