I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
