Where are you?
In a non slutty way
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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