so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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