I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
