Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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