New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i will never coherently bang her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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