You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
