I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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