Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
