Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
