my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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