walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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