like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
