At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just want to make out with him forever
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
