Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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